On how it feels to have a daughter

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To sit, sip, dream, laugh, read and muse. The world must be in order for her to do that. Everyone has a magic spot and she is mine. This little girl who has a nose for the roses and an eye for wonder. The one that has taught me to soak in a little of the earth element and to love even the bugs and bees.

She looks at the sky through the treetops and smiles at the cotton candy clouds. She falls for the grass between her toes and thinks of herself right in the middle of all this. Let those mushrooms spring from below and let the fairy dust spread a little. It’s nature, it must be art. In this rugged simplicity, if she wants to spread her wings and chase the butterflies, I will let her.

And until it’s time for those throaty crickets to call out and the fireflies to fly, I will let her celebrate her tea party. And those flowers? They will be everywhere. Everything – just as it should be. And I am here to ensure that.

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Her love for the sea will be wild and free. Never a limit to the amount of drops she can hold. She will anchor her feet in the sand and get hit by the waves. She will feel the weather beaten yet graceful bends of the rocks. She will wait for the rush of water towards her and the anticipation will leave her breathless.

The sunshine, the water and maybe a few stars, that’s all she’ll need. With a little bit of the sea in her hands she will search for the meaning of life’s secrets. Like the pearl divers who stop their breath long enough to dive into the mystery of the deep waters; only to resurface with brilliant pearls.

If she goes far into it, she will lose sight of the shore. But isn’t that when she can realise she has begun an adventure?

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Someday, I will tell the story of my life after she came along. The one that gave meaning to all this madness. Of the time she threw me to the ground with an avalanche of love when our eyes had met for the first time. She will find out that I had lost my grip on life as she peeked through my big round sun shades. It was tough to read her mind those first few years, as she would spend her days chugging down milk or reading books lazing around in my lap. One minute she was here, pouting at a picture in that big book, the next, she was off somewhere nibbling on whatever she got her teeth into.

When she had indulged my patience with her naughty eyes on the cake, I had let her mimic my words in soft babbles. As she fought with her hair under that chunky headband while bursting into hysterical laughter, I had asked the camera to capture those sounds.

I have seen those tall legs under those delicate layers of pastel tulle belied her walk on the clouds. The ease of her gait came with freedom of thought and the perseverance tied up in her bun head. And when she rehearsed for a doll jam, I thought of her walking onto a stage to perform, and closed my eyes to let the ears fill with accolades.

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There will be a few lessons to teach. Never underestimate the crushing power of flowers. They will leave you smiling and with never a dull moment in your life. Wear your kindness well. Why live in muted tones when you can rock that smile of yours?

Fill your life with the heart of charity and an abundance of style and freedom. Fill it with fascination for the future. Follow your fantasy to make it a believable reality. Sparkle! If there’s road that’s less traveled, call it your life.

Remember your childish discipline and the earnesty with which you arranged those tea cups on the table with your nubby fingers? Patience, my dear, is the key.

Life’s an intricate balance of tenacity, perseverance, resilience, perfection, grace and poise. To soar through air but to land on your feet just as softly without a thud.

To practice the power of empathy and forgiveness is to endure its turbulence. If the outdoors is cold, leave others thawing in acts of love.

The world is in ceaseless motion. You can be contemplative and serious about it while being distracted and playful too. Delight yourself by peeling away from screens and behold the transient moments of celebrations. Being moved by it and moving on are both liberating.

A girl with a great attitude will never go out of style. Just like the princess with a fabulous shoe who has a place in history. 

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I will watch her empower other independent, playful and confident women for togetherness sake. She will clink champagne glasses, laugh genuinely and cross her peep toe pumps.
She will hike up her fancy and discover herself on an inner journey. She will share her favorite jokes and find her tribe. She will do it all.

When she needs love, it will be an intense emotion. To look into the future with the hindsight of nostalgia is quintessentially romantic. Complete with contradictions of racing heart beats amidst a leisure milieu. Her charm and her self assurance will be captivating enough to bring her beau to his knees. Making her a bride-to-be looking up to the sky in enchantment.

She will throw love like she has loads of it and bear it all with a ring. Who hasn’t been able to redeem themselves in a dusky romance novel?

I will imagine her walking by the vintage carousels, staring at those buttered baguettes in cafe windows or sharing with him a few of those sweet cloud like sandwiches they call macaroons. When she will come to me to share those coming-of-age tales, it will be my own story retold.

It’s going to be a memorable life!

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~ Written for a daughter I will never have.

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One Comment

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  1. Beautiful poetic expression.The little one missed it forever though…….

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