To work or not to??

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I am sure a lot of moms before me have gone through this emotional roller-coaster and I am not going to be the last one to feel this way..

I sit at home by my infant son’s side, waiting to capture his every move in the camera, his every milestone on video.. It is practically an obsession for me now.. I used to wonder if I will not have the same energy levels once I go back to work.. I knew I will not even have the patience and the time to enjoy all the activity during the day, and all those mouthful of smiles and giggles at nights… As my baby sitter once plainly told me, about my first one, ‘Oh, by the way, he might try it out tonight at home, he just sat up straight an hour ago’………. Sat up straight!! That is another milestone in his life!!

I missed that too…

I sat in my car feeling dejected, but then I thought, forget that, I will have so many other milestones I can capture and save in my camcorder.. How shallow??

Maybe not.. I keep defending myself, I want to have a life of my own, a career of my own, something that I can fall back on to identify myself with, other than being called a mom..

And being of mom makes me more vulnerable maybe.. The emotional quotient is concentrated right here around me.. I know men won’t agree, but I have a problem with them.. They aren’t as expressive or emotionally saturated like us, women.. :) The lesser the drama for them, the better anyway..

I feel compelled to put this in writing or well, blogging, because last week, I rush home after a hectic day after dropping my friend at the airport.. There they were ready to spill out everything about what had transpired that evening.. My second one, a 9 month old, had started taking his first steps, 4 to be exact, at 6:02pm on 07/09/09.. I was more than excited, saving the fact that I hadn’t witnessed that amazing milestone.. The next day I mention it to the baby sitter and there you go, he had already started walking the day before..

So, there goes a light bulb in my head telling me that it has happened to me once again..
The weekend I tried to do everything in the Parenting book to enable his walker instincts and I should say, I was successful more than once.. !! Yay!

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